pure ice blended vanilla with no sugar added

All those years of loneliness, work, and studies have killed the person I used to be. I struggled too hard all these years to stay strong, to stay in front, to build a brighter future. I became reclusive, I became stagnant, I became ignorant, I became emotionless, I became blind, I became deaf. I shut myself and build a cocoon around me. To protect myself. Without these emotions, I'm able to move forward. Focus on building the beautiful house, brick by brick. This house is almost complete. All those years of sweat and blood. This is the house I want to live in with the person I love. A beautiful house it's going to be. Yeah. What's the point building this house, when I have neglected her. I have forgotten that I'm actually the only person living in this house. I had already knew what was going on a long time ago. I had already knew her heart flew away, way longer before the night she told me.

The walls are cracking around the house. Wines and weeds are growing. The doors and windows have laid waste to dusts. The glass and tiles are broken. Yet, I would pick up the bricks, one by one. Put it aside nicely, side by side. Others have tried destroying those bricks. I hold on to them dearly. Brushed them away. Keeping those bricks safe in my arms. I could only save a few left.

That night, things just struck my head real hard. I couldn't sleep. Went out and ran in the morning darkness for hours.

Sometimes I would wake up in the night, seeing her holding the knife, stabbing my heart over and over again. She didn't smile, she didn't cry, she was emotionless. Sometimes I wish I could just hold her hands. I would say "Leave the knife in my heart. Let me be the one in pain. Just smile for me again."

 I see my old self in the mirror now. I start communicating with people I have neglected all those years. I used to occupy my time with work and her, I have neglected these people. They have always been there close to me.

My brother is leaving me soon. These few weeks with him. I see myself in him. I was the one who changed into what he becomes today. My old self. A great guy he is. I shied myself away from my brother for years. And when he's leaving, I just got to know him better.

My dear sister has been there for me when I really needed someone. It would not be easy, if not for these two close ones I have.